Thursday, May 8, 2008

Mariah Carey Math

Today I have some math equations to share w/ you:

Way back on 7/14/1949 Tommy Mottola was born, making him 58 today. Then on 3/27/1969 Mariah Carey was born, making her 39 today. Next on 8/26/1971 Thalia was born, making her 36 today. Finally on 10/8/1980 Nick Cannon was born, making him 27 today.

Keeping with my chronological timeline, on 6/5/1993 Tommy Mottola and Mariah Carey were married. By my calculations, Mariah is just under 20 years younger than Tommy. Alas, Mariah and Tommy divorced on 3/5/1998, meaning their infinite love only lasted 6 years and 9 months. Fortunately, .00 children resulted from their divided union.

Happily, Tommy found love again w/ Thalia, and they married on 12/6/2000. Tommy is almost 22 years older than Thalia, but this did not stop their family from multiplying when daughter Sabrina was born on 10/7/2007. This only makes Tommy 58 years older than his daughter, so there is a chance 1 of her lucky classmates could be wife #3+ someday. For now, Tommy and Thalia are still married.

We all know that Mariah has had her ups and downs, and worn very little, since subtracting Tommy (and the clothing). For the past 6 weeks or so, she has been dating the 11 years younger Nick Cannon. Their blessed union began on 4/30/2008, making it IX days old today. As of this blog entry they have a total of 0.0 children.

What do all these statistics mean? My thoughts: Mariah needed an older man at the beginning of her career, namely the head of Sony Records. She also needed someone of means to give her the Princess Di modeled wedding of her dreams. When she hit 29, she decided to reduce her immediate family by 50%; she divorced the mogul and apparently lost 100% of her full-coverage clothing in the settlement. Now that she is as chart-topping as Elvis(!?) she can afford to have a low-key wedding in the Bahamas to a younger boytoy. As Napoleon Dynamite would say, "Lucky!"

In addition, Tommy could marry Thalia because he was still a rich music mogul, and she appears to be a younger singer/actress/trophy wife. Sabrina must be the product of a 6 & 5/6-year itch, or a way of adding $000s to any future divorce settlement.

Only time and math will tell what is next for these 3 beautiful adults, the baby, and Tommy.

Math sources = Internet Movie Database and People Magazine
Buy People Magazine, which I have read since I was 11 years old (that would be 32 years of continuous reading for the math geeks and curious among you).

PS: Check my figures!


Anonymous said...

The maths, they are making my head spin!

Brothers McB said...

Wow! It must have taken you a lot of time to look up all those ages. I must say that I am surprised you included your own age. By the way, the comparison of MC to Elvis is laughable. take care, ira